On Christmas Eve, flight trackers everywhere will be following Santa’s Sled. Sources have indicated that he will be landing just outside Bristol, CT near the home of ESPN Broadcasting Headquarters.
At a pre-arranged press conference, Santa Claus was asked if Bristol played into his holiday plans. Santa responded with “Let me say this only once. I am at the North Pole now. The North Pole is my home. Come Christmas morning, I will still be at the North Pole. “
When asked if he intended to stay home Christmas Eve, Santa stated, “I have already answered that question. Now, if you have any questions regarding this year’s hottest toy, or product recalls, or outsourcing manufacture to China, I will take those questions, but if you wish to keep asking me about Bristol then this conference is over.”
Not everyone was satisfied with that answer, though. Sean Salisbury in reaction told his children there was no Santa Claus. He does, of course, still expect toys to be under his tree when the kids wake up Christmas morning.
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wait, wait, wait…there is a santa claus right????
I’ve got the pictures to prove it, Ger.
I’ve got a pretty good source (he’s got a shiny nose) that told me the big wigs in charge have already made a preliminary proposal to the Easter Bunny in case Santa does leave.
How do they expect Santa to answer? He’s got a bunch of elves at the North Pole he’s trying to help with finishing their season.
Word I’ve heard is that the Easter Bunny is just playing the Christmas boosters to get raises for his assistants. Personally, I’m hopeful they can retain Santa, because if not, the Tooth Fairy’s agent is going to move quickly to lock that up before another candidate can get in, and then when that job’s open, where do the tooth people look? I don’t mind the idea of the Tooth Fairy delivering toys once a year, but I’ve got a two year old with a head full of teeth ready to come out. Am I going to have Bigfoot storming through my house every time one of those guys comes loose?
I bet Santa won’t say another word until after the Mayfield Milk n’ Cookies Bowl Game. As for Salisbury, I’ve heard from my union sources that he’s got the Local 109 in Waterbury making sure those gifts arrive on time from China. And no one - no one - messes with the boys from The Brass City.
A whole new meaning to “Fear the Hat”….
So, when does ESPN own up? Ice in Hades?