Welcome to the First Annual Third Saturday in Blogtober’s Third Saturday in Blogtober SEC Football Award Show Extravaganza. These are the only awards that matter for the only conference that matters. Or at minimum, they have about the same significance as the Heisman now carries. This year’s had more ups and downs than a drunk UT fan in Neyland Stadium with a bladder control problem. As such we thought it a good idea to recognize, and ridicule where appropriate, those that made this season in the SEC what it was.

Now without further ado, on to the awards…

The Bun-Warmers Award - Sponsored by Brookstone - given to the coach that did the best job of removing his hind quarters from the toasty warmth of the proverbial hot seat….

And the winner is…………Sylvester Croom - Mississippi State

Croom started off the year with a hideous shutout loss to LSU, but ever so daftly removed his hind end from the bun-warmers by leading the Bulldogs to strikingly similar victories over Bama and Auburn. And then there was that improbable come from behind win over rival Ole Miss that cemented The Ogre’s fate. Congrats Sly, for your efforts, not only do you get to take this trophy home, but you get to live in Starkville, Mississippi for another year or two. Enjoy.

Honorable Mention: Phil Fulmer - UT

Ricky Williams Lifetime Achievement Award

And the winner is………Lamarcus Coker

Coker had an impressive run for the Vols. Not only did Tennessee change their drug policy to “four strikes and you’re out” to be able to retain his services, but Coker re-payed their token of support by failing his presumably fourth drug test shortly after the season started. Coker also took home the Most Aptly Surnamed Player Trophy.

Frank Caliendo - Best Impersonation of a Head Coach Award

And the award goes to…………..Les Miles - LSU

For the last two years Miles has had the most talented teams in the country not named the Colts or the Patriots, and no titles to show for it. He changed that this season by deciding to do the exact opposite of what any sane coach would normally do in tight situations. The Hat laughs at your fourth-down punts, good sir. Timeouts? Who needs to call timeouts when you can just throw a forty yard bomb when in field goal range and only seconds left?

Honorable Mention: Phil Fulmer, again

Hayden Panettierre Newcomer of the Year Award

Miss Panattiere is honored to have such a prestigious award named after her 

It was pretty much a two horse race between Eric Berry and Knowshon Moreno partly because the Alabama vote got somewhat split between Kareem Jackson and Terry Grant.

And the winner is…………Knowshon Moreno

Moreno gave the Dawgs much joy this season with his aggressive running style, and he’s got them foaming at the mouth about the next Hershel. The guy just wouldn’t go down, and he looked for people to hit on his way down-field.

Honorable Mention: Eric Berry - Tennessee, Kareem Jackson - Alabama

We Payed $4 Million For This !?!?!?!?!!? Trophy

And the winner is………….Nick Saban

Saban was unable to attend our event, or to join us live via satellite, because frankly, he doesn’t have time for this %*#@. Aight.

Honorable Mention: None

The “Dude, I Told You. This Kinda Stuff Can Happen in Real Life” Award

And the award goes to……Josh McNeil

Earlier this season, police were called to McNeil’s residence about a possible burglary. When they arrived, they found Josh, with a bleeding wound, and three intoxicated under-age lady friends “asleep” in his bedroom. Plus multiple firearms, and a broken window. That’s three chicks and one offensive lineman in one bedroom. Are we sure Trooper Taylor is the one that’s been doing the recruiting up there?

Best Trick Play Award. Or at least the best trick play that can be found on the YouTubes.

And the winner is……. LSU’s fake field goal vs. South Carolina

Honorable Mention: Alabama’s onside kick vs. Tennessee

Taking Offensive Football Back Fifty Years One QB Dive At A Time Award

And the award goes to……….Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow

Here is the instructional video for the Gator offense…

Honorable Mention: The WildHog Formation

Best Impersonation of a Quality Non-Conference Opponent

And the award goes to……. Vanderbilt. 

Every year for the past three seasons they have threatened to matter, and every year for the past three seasons they have faded after accumulating wins over less than impressive out of conference teams.

Honorable Mention: Ole Miss

Jefferson-Pilot Memorial Award for Outstanding Lack of Genius

And the winner is…….Gary Danielson, for his repeated mention of the fact that a team down by six points will need more than a field goal.

Danielson also said during the Bama-LSU game that JPW was on a roll……’Nuff said

Honorable Mention: The Three Daves

The Best Job of Achieving Your Goals by Over-Achieving

And the winner is…….the Tennessee Volunteers

Because they define over-achieving as “winning our division even though really we’re just the third best team in our division.”

The Man, We Thought Alabama Fans Were Crazy Award

And the “winner” is…….Hawg Nation

After what transpired at the Tuscaloosa airport the day Nick Saban arrived, I didn’t think any one fan-base could ever top that level of loony-ness. Well, thanks to an ingenious use of the Freedom of Information Act, Arkansas fans now take the cake. Add in the Springdale PTA and the fact that they had Petrino calling the hogs during a nationally televised press conference, and you got a fan-base that makes the old saying “Thank God for Arkansas” * never more truer.

Honorable Mention: Bama Nation

*Yes, the saying is “Thank God for Mississippi”, but how can we give them this award when their motto is “We didn’t win the game, but we’ve never lost a party.”

The Best Player on Loan from the NFL Award

And the winner is…….. Darren McFadden

D-Mac ran away with this one………..Mmm…I apologize for that

Sorry Emmit. Sorry Shaun. My apologies, Fred, but McFadden is absolutely, positively, without a doubt, the best running back this conference has seen since Bo. Think Eric Dickerson with a stiff-arm. Minus the high school chemistry lab goggles and high knees, of course. If I was Petrino, the first person I would go see when I arrived in Fayetteville would be D-Mac. Scratch that. My first stop would be to the Walton family to ask them to adopt McFadden for a year. Then I’d go see Darren.

Honorable Mention: Glen Dorsey - LSU

The Outstanding Achievement Award For Excelling in the Field of Excellence

And the award goes to……..Tim Tebow

Excellent indeed, Timmy

You’ve heard many times commentators talk about quarterbacks having a “linebacker’s mentality”. That also describes Tebow. But what sets him apart from the others is that he also possesses linebacker’s shoulders, thighs, triceps. Face it, he’s Brian Urlacher with an arm. Not that Urlacher doesn’t have an arm…or two. If not, then his body of work is even more impressive. But I digress….Honestly, what can I say about Timmay! that hasn’t been said already? He’s a great player, and more importantly he’s a great person. Even if as rivals, we hate him for being both.

Honorable Mention: Darren McFadden