At EDSBS they are know for their wit
And Gump 4 Heisman is quick with a bit
But here at Third Saturday
We’re not at clever as they
So all we’ve come up with is this ….

It’s SEC Limericks time … and so too will be every Friday between now until the football season starts. (At least, if everything goes according to plan.) We know Joel at RTT has his haikus, and other blogsites have their regular features, so we here at 3SIB have decided to throw our hat in the ring.

Every Friday, we’ll present to you guys a new limerick for each SEC team and two new ones for Tennessee and Alabama — and the best thing about it is ours are leprechaun-free … well, except for the occasional Nick Saban sighting.

I’m findin’ me lucky charms, aight?

Please include your own limericks in the comments section, but please keep them at least PG-13 rated… Thanks! Hopefully you guys will enjoy these as much as we enjoyed coming up with them …

TENNESSEE

There once was a fellow named Phil
Who orange-clad fans loved to grill.
But by the time December came
And we were in the Championship game
He found a way to keep his job still.

**

In Knoxville lived a drunk kicker named Britton
Who vowed to all he was quittin’
But he kept hopping bars
Then hitting parked cars
Till half a season he found himself sittin’.

ALABAMA

A kid named Elder at Bama had balls
He robbed two kids at gunpoint with no cause
His time in T-town was brief.
And Ghost sighed with relief
“At least this one didn’t play for the Vols.”

**

John Parker Wilson was dumb as whipped cream.
He always threw to the other dang team
But when compared to McElroy
And Shula’s other boys
He looked like a Crimson wet dream.

Psst, Ross is better at life.

FLORIDA

How could we forget the Gainesville God?
With the golden arm and the bionic bod.
The object of national media affection
Who gives Verne Lundquist erections
And nobody sees this as odd?

GEORGIA

In Georgia dwelt a man named Saint Mark
Whose hair in the middle did part
But despite being a tool
He was still considered cool
And a dynasty he seems destined to start.

Mark? Bravo, man. If one hot woman and a bunch of five-stars think you’re cool, what more do you need?

LSU

There once was a dummy named Les
Who seemed to coach his team into a mess
But with talent that crazy
Even a coach who is lazy
Can come out looking like the best.

AUBURN

Auburn’s offense is Franklin’s to use
With the spread no more three-n-out blues
His technique is a big hit
They spent thousands to get it
But for $19.95 so can you.

KENTUCKY

There’s a man in Kentucky named Brooks
Who took over for a couple of crooks
Last year was an anamoly
He loses the apostrophe
How long before he gets the hook?

Brooks aging … before our very eyes …

OLE MISS

A man with the unfortunate name of Nutt
Got in trouble for texting a slut
When he was run out of his hometown
He didn’t have to look around
He took the job where the best gals did strut.

ARKANSAS

In the Ozarks lived Travelin’ Bob
Who couldn’t seem to settle into a job
He’d compile a few wins
Then bolt town again
And on his butt was endless prints of doorknobs.

MISS STATE

The Bulldogs got Liberty Bowl cash
But next season could feel like a rash
‘Cause the heat will be on
and old Sly could be gone
but they’ll keep him for that Swedish Chef ’stache.

Sly, pre-stache

SOUTH CAROLINA

Let me tell you of the Ole Ball Coach’s fate
In Columbia to make them great
But as coach Spurrier would learn
You need talent to turn
A turd into a prom date

VANDERBILT

In Nashville lived a coach who booked his own hearse
When he took over the SEC’s worst
But instead of building a winner
He became more of a sinner
Because coaching Vandy can lead even the best man to curse.