Ah, your weekly dosage of limericks. And before you comment and say, “You guys used some of the same subjects as last week,” well, they’re different limericks. And we’re not very creative, after all. Hope y’all enjoy…

ALABAMA

There once was a coach named Nick.
Who came across as being a prick.
But with the recruits he compiled
The way he was reviled
Was overlooked, cuz he was doing the trick.

The Tide’s expectations are high so we’re told
Though the reputation is getting quite old
But ask your average fan
And you’ll hear to a man
“I don’t care, just win the damn Iron Bowl!”

TENNESSEE

Alex Bullard didn’t need any more time
To rule out Rocky Top and Denny Chimes
When his recruitment did end
He pledged to go to South Bend
Cuz he likes looking through beer goggles all the time.

(Editor’s note: Basically, this is all I’m going to say about Alex Bullard. I wish him the best in South Bend. If it was a Notre Dame education he chose, there’s nothing that any Vol could have done about it. I just hope he likes looking at ugly chicks and freezing nine months out of the year.)

You’ll find in the Vol Secondary
A second-year phenom named Berry
Though some people think
There could be a sophomore jinx
The prospect of facing him is scary.

GEORGIA

Here’s the tale of an Athens QB
Arm like a gun and built like a tree
Still he can’t make a decision
And without any precision
A heavy dosage of Knowshon we’ll see (we’ll see)

FLORIDA

The QB at Florida goes by Tim
Last year the Heisman was given to him
Put up incredible stats
Left all the competitors flat
But I still say it should’ve gone to McFadden.

LSU

A blue-chipper who went by Perrilloux
Had the perfect name and arm for the Bayou.
But he had an affinity for weed and guns
And after three years was done
Now he’s transferred to a jail called JSU.

AUBURN

On the plains lurks a man with large ears
Who has owned Bama for years
But with a new sheriff in town
And his recruiting stars down
It may be time to turn in that application to Sears.

KENTUCKY

In Kentucky lives a fellow named Brooks
Who is, I fear, as old as he looks
Just don’t call him after eight
Cuz he’ll get irate
And act like his pudding you took.

OLE MISS

There’s a new guy in Oxford named Snead
Who fills the Rebs’ biggest need.
And with a boyband name like “Jevan”
The grove girls are in heaven
Who cares that he probably can’t read.

ARKANSAS

There’s no more Wild Hawg in the ‘Ville.
But the rabid fans are optimistic still.
Cuz Pignocchio is here
And the days of Mallet are near.
At least until Petrino weasels out of his deal.

MSU

In Starkville lives a man named Sly Croom
Who gave the state of Alabama the broom
But that was 0-7
And will seem like heaven
when his record this year spells his doom.

SOUTH CAROLINA

There’s a long-hair in Carolina named Garcia
Who stays baked more than a tortilla
With all his run-ins with the cops
He becomes a recruiting-class flop
And the only thing that could sully him more’s gonorrhea.

VANDERBILT

Selling tickets in Nashville’s a bore
Cuz nobody wants to go watch the ‘Dores
It’s OK no one came
You really want your doc at the game,
Or practicing his surgery technique some more?

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